I am thoroughly and utterly convinced that fear is the driving force behind every bad decision we ever make.
Now, don’t be afraid of fear—that’s a scary thought!—just learn to recognize it for what it is.
And now, on with our story.
Once upon a time, there was an idealistic youth (let’s call him John) who believed that perfection existed, and to seek it was the best use of one’s life. He was sure that the attainment of perfection would result in happiness. He quickly learned, of course, that perfection was an impossible ideal (not to mention a miserable one). So, instead of seeking perfection, he saught inner peace, believing it would bring him happiness.
The search for inner peace led John to a group of other like-minded people who also saught the same thing, all rallied around a teacher who demonstrated some very successful techniques to help his students find and experience that peace. As the group grew, the teacher realized that he must establish a “method”, so others could teach the work as well. After all, what good would it do unless a means could be identified? And so, this method became concretized, shared, and taught to many more seekers of peace.
John, who believed the methods and the community around it to be the best thing he’d ever seen, became a teacher of this system. He taught others the methods, used them himself, and his life got better.
The Fearless Living Myth Debunked – archely
Making Progress Through Fearless & Strategic Action – archely
How To Risk More & Fear Less – archely
But then, a shadow began to grow…
As the organization grew, John started to see a resistance to new input and ideas. The results of what was once an “open spirit of exploration” began to become doctrine. Legends began to permeate the group, telling of the brilliance—nay, the infallibility—of the leaders, and the miracles they performed on a regular basis. The method became dogma, and those who challenged it were outcast.
John began to become disillusioned with his teacher, the methods, and the organization. He saw brilliant, dedicated teachers ostracized because they spoke out in opposition to the leaders. He watched as the methods became stale, outdated, and both inflexible in their approach and limited in their application and efficacy.
And so, John left.
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History has a way of repeating itself, doesn’t it?
After a time of introspection and idea gathering, John decided to follow a different life-long passion, changing professions and moving on with his life. He trained, he learned, and he worked, and he was happy.
Eventually he came across another community, steeped in the pursuit of the same passions as he, and once again he found himself feeling at home. But as John grew, developed his talents, and learned more, he began to hear stories of disgruntled members within the community that seemed to be having experiences that mirrored his past. John began to question his involvement in the community after seeing the same kinds of rigidity and fear creeping into the organization.
Too bad I’m not Mother Goose.
Now, wouldn’t it be nice if this were a fairy tale, with a beginning and an end, neatly tied up in a bow of clear-cut morals and easily deciphered lessons? Maybe it would. But life isn’t a storybook fable, and rarely are decisions as easy to make as they might appear. Black-and-white quickly turns to grey in the real world.
Like yours, the ending of John’s story isn’t yet written. He can’t see the end, doesn’t know how things will turn out, and can’t rely on a crystal ball, fairy godmother, or all-seeing wizard. He, like you, has to make decisions based on heart, head, and gut.
But he, like you, can choose how to respond to life’s events proactively rather than reactively, based on principles and decisions about how he wants to live his life.
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Looking at the experiences of his life, and the examples of those leaders John sees around him, he comes to a few conclusions:
when you become afraid to challenge the status quo, you stagnate.
if you aren’t willing to sacrifice your conclusions in favor of new evidence that contradicts it, then you’ve stopped learning.
resist the temptation to label those who express deviation as deviants.
there is strength and safety in numbers… but there is also a greater propensity for delusion (aka “groupthink.”)Charles Du Bos had it right when he said,
The important thing is this: To be ready at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.Because when your status, income, and success depend on you being what you’ve built, it’s scary to let it go. That fear drives irrational decisions.
However, another choice exists.
Look around you at examples of personal excellence. They may be a little less obvious, and thus a bit harder to find, than the grand commercial successes that so often get the publicity, but they’re there. They aren’t always mutually exclusive, of course, but the popular vote doesn’t always reward excellence (at least not right away).
Of course, these measures are largely subjective, because your criteria for excellence may be different than the next person’s, but since we’re talking about John, here wink, we’ll share the traits he feels are indicative of personal integrity:
humility. (Confucius said, “Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.”)
willingness to abandon what you’ve known for what you know is right.
an enduring quest for greater growth and understanding.Rabindranath Tagore said it well:
Truth comes as conqueror only to those who have lost the art of receiving it as friend.Because when you realize that your status, income, and success can also truly depend on what you stand for, it doesn’t make change any less scary, but it can make it liberating.
How to avoid the crumbling of your own empire
There’s a great analogy that I’m sure you’ve heard, which likens people to buses: Each of us has a number of personalities, emotions, and voices within us. What makes the difference in how we live is which one we let control us, i.e. “drive our bus.”
I said in the beginning that I believe fear to be the driving force behind every bad decision we ever make. That doesn’t make fear “bad”, of course; it’s a necessary part of who we are, and most of us wouldn’t survive long without it. Just don’t let it drive the bus when it shouldn’t be.
When fear drives the bus, we lose perspective. Input we should be open to gets shut out, and we get rigid and inflexible in our thinking, if not more.
So, when something comes along that gets your knickers up in knots, ask yourself, “Is it my fear that is creating this situation, or is this a genuine threat?” And if you’re having a hard time figuring it out, see if you can discern what your reasoning is telling you is at stake. If you “give in”, what does it mean for you? Loss of face? More work? Or something real?
Growing something—anything—is a process that will take you and your beliefs to task more than you’d expect. But, if you can remain true to the values you started with, even in the face of your greatest demons, you can far exceed your wildest expectations, and be proud of what you accomplish.